Apologies for long absence - I'm tempted to say it's because I've been so busy and that I've managed to write 2 books in the space of six weeks, but that's a complete lie. If I'm completely honest, I've done nothing for the past month or so. Nada. Zilch. And it's been amazing.
I knew when summer began that I wanted to take a bit of a break, but somehow I kept extending it and extending it and now it's pretty much autumn and I've been back at work for the past two weeks. But to be honest, I think I needed the longer break. Yes, I could've forced myself to write, but I probably would've hated everything that I'd written - I would've gotten worked up about everything again and it would've ended up damaging my writing career in the long run. So at the end of the day, I'm super glad I took so long out.
But now? Well, a funny thing has been happening...I've been waking up in the mornings with the urge to write. This doesn't necessarily mean that I've actually written anything mind you, but it's such a huge relief to feel that awesome, tingly, I-must-write-or-I'll-explode type thing again - it's reassuring to know that I haven't completely lost faith in my goal to become a fully-fledged author.
And that brings me nicely onto my next point - I've had a lot of time to think and reflect on my writing over the past month or so. If I'm honest, I've come damn close to jacking the whole writing thing in. Being away from the internet for so long means that although I feel well-rested, I also get super paranoid that everyone has forgotten me and my books and that I'll have to start from scratch all over again - and then that makes me think, what's the point? It's hard work, I might as well give up now! But I had a moment of clarity the other day - I don't want to give up.
Something that has helped me come to this conclusion is the fact that I've started to come to the realisation that there's a very very high chance that I'm not going to be that author who churns out 100 books a year and earns a million pounds a book. Sorry if that sounds conceited or big-headed, but I'm just trying to be honest - and if I'm brutally honest, there was still a small part of me after I published Synthetica that still believed something like that might happen. But you know what? I'm happy to hold my hands up and admit that lately, my pride has been getting in the way of my writing - it's not something I like to admit to, but it's the truth. And I feel 100% better for admitting it - now I can move on and keep going with my writing career.
My first book won't earn a movie deal or become a Hollywood blockbuster. My next book might take me a year to write, or five or ten. I might not be able to write so much that I have books coming out of my ears, but you know what? That's ok. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing.
And I'm doing just fine.
