IWSG: Will it ever happen?!

Happy belated New Year!

And Happy Chinese New Year to everyone too! I wish you all a fantastic year of the Horse :) (which is my Chinese sign too!).

I can't believe it's February already - between adjusting to life back home, moving house and starting a new job, I really don't know where the time has gone!

Anyway, enough rambling! Here's a quick overview of the Insecure Writers' Support Group, for those of you who are new (a warm welcome to you by the way :)!) - every first Wednesday of the month, writers from all over the blogosphere confess what's been troubling them in their writing over the past month. IWSG was set up by Alex J. Cavanaugh (you can check out his blog here!), and you can check out the official IWSG website here!

So here's my theme of the month for February: Am I ever going to have enough get-up-and-go to write my novel?!

This is a worry that constantly comes back to haunt me. Ever since I was about 15, I've known that all I want to be is an author. And ever since then, every single year without fail, I've promised myself that this will be the year that I finally do it - I finally write my novel..but guess what? The years fly by and it still hasn't materialised....

I've always had this sense that time is running out - yes, I know I'm probably a bit too young to be thinking this, but I can't help it - the thought that the years will continue to fly by in a blur, and I'll never get the chance to complete any of my novels...that thought really is unbearable to me.

But at the same time, I keep asking myself, what's stopping me? Logically, there is no real reason for me not to have completed a novel by now - I can try to justify it to myself any way I like (my life is too busy, I don't have the time, I'm a bad writer who shouldn't write a novel anyway...etc etc), but honestly, the only thing that's stopping me is a) my own insecurity that I'm not good enough and b) procrastination. But what I'm worried about is that I never will get over these fears - that I always will make up excuses for myself as to why I haven't done it yet.

If I'm completely honest - and this might sound a bit crazy/self-important, and if it does, I'm sorry, I really don't mean it sound that way - the older I get, the more I sense that something is changing about me. I kinda get the feeling that I actually can do this if I really want to...I just have to go for it. I don't know if this is something to do with the fact that last year, not only did I manage to write 40,000 words for NaNoWriMo (which, if I may say so, I'm very proud of!), I also went to China and taught English for three months (something I've wanted to do for a long time). And maybe it's the fact that I finally feel like I've accomplished something, that I'm starting to wonder if maybe, that elusive novel that's been lurking at the back of my brain for years and years, isn't that elusive after all....

Or maybe I'm just hoping that's the case. Either way, this is one of my biggest worries - that I'll never get to do what I really want to do. Maybe I just need someone to give me a good kick up the bum to get me going again!

Sorry for the rant guys! Hope all your writing endeavours are going well :) - I'm looking forward to visiting a few more blogs this month and having a nosey at what everyone else is up to :)!