It's that time of the month again, when insecure writers from all over the internet unite and blog about their deepest, darkest fears that have been plaguing them for the last month. Special thanks go out to Alex J. Cavanaugh for setting up the group, and a huge thank you to all of this month's co-hosts :)!
Although I'm not officially participating in NaNowriMo this year, I'm currently in the rewriting stage of my first draft, and my Other Half has given me the deadline of the 30th November to get it done - so in a way, I'm with all you brave NaNoWriMos out there, at least in spirit.
But here's the thing - I'm STILL struggling to get my mojo together to get into my rewrites properly. It's not because I don't know what I want to do, or that I hate my story (actually, I've felt more hopeful about this novel in the last few weeks than I have done for a while) - it's something else, and I only managed to put my finger on it last night.
I'm scared of succeeding.
I know, I know how odd that sounds - but the fact is, writing a novel is something I've been working towards since I was about 15. And the thought that by the end of this month my novel should (theoretically) be in a readable form (i.e. I could send it out to my beta readers if I wanted to) really does scare me. Do I have the dedication and motivation to actually finish something for once? After so many false starts and disappointments, I find it hard to believe. It's almost as though my subconscious is telling me that no, I can't do this, I can't actually realise one of my life dreams, heaven forbid - so why bother working on it?
So that's it for this month - a slightly odd topic, I know, but it's been bothering me for the last few days. Hopefully it'll pass soon - only 25 days to go until the finish line!
Happy bonfire night, everyone! Stay safe out there tonight!
I'm rooting for you! You can do it. Maybe you need a little more time to prepare yourself for your rewrites. Maybe setting a deadline for your manuscript is psyching you out. Take as much time as you need to prepare yourself and watch out when that rewrite bugs hits. You might end up finishing a lot sooner than you think. Do not doubt yourself, you can do it.
ReplyDeleteI can understand what you are saying, Rachel. Deadlines work for some and not so well for others but I would say get the ms to a place you feel happy with before sending it out for readers. Remember the key to success is to keep believing in your work and your story and never give up. Good luck and happy writing.
ReplyDeleteDon't consider your life long dream to write A novel, consider it as being to write NOVELS, plural. In which case, finishing this novel is a stepping stone :-) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteJust shoot for being happy. If success writing doesn't do it, enjoy the ride. That way, you'll have fun either way. Your novel will benefit from the polishing and editing, so dig in. It only gets better from here.
ReplyDeleteThat deadline might be just what you need to finish it. Success is scary, but never succeeding is even scarier. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteIt can be scary to finish a project. Means you have to move on to another, and submit and open yourself to rejection. Isn't the life of a writer glamorous, lol. Nice to have the support of your other half though.
ReplyDelete