I haven't actually been doing any writing over the past few weeks. There, I admitted it. And now I feel horrible.
I knew before summer began that I'd probably take the first week off and just relax and do whatever I wanted to do for once. But now it's halfway through the second week of the holidays, and I've been flicking through my diary this morning, only to discover that I'm actually pretty busy over the next three weeks - which means I'm in danger of my whole holiday going by and not doing any writing whatsoever. And because I now have this fear in my head, I'm even more reluctant to start writing, because I'm already panicking over my lack of time.
I always do this. I know a lot of you will probably be rolling your eyes and thinking, 'what does she have to complain about? She gets a five week summer holiday!!' but here's the thing: if you've been following my blog for a while, you'll probably know by now that I suffer from anxiety. This means I get really worked up over tiny things, and I can spend days obsessing over certain thoughts. It's not pretty. And it's exactly what I'm doing now. I'm obsessing over the fact that my holiday will end 'soon' (because I always do this - whenever I take a holiday, I immediately start counting down the days until it ends, which means I never feel like I fully enjoy my time off...does anyone else do this??), and I'm berating myself for 'wasting' last week when I should've been doing work. So I feel like I'm stuck in-between a rock and a hard place, because I feel crappy for not writing, and I'm worried I won't get anything done, and I'm upset because I feel like I'm wasting my time doing other things when I should've been writing...in a nutshell, I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong. And I really hate feeling this way.
Gosh, that was a bit more of a rant than I meant it to be! I think this afternoon I'll do the baking I was planning on doing (because baking always calms me down when I feel myself getting worked up), then sit down with my current WIP and just see what happens. It's not like I haven't had any ideas over the past week, it's just because I've been trying to relax/been procrastinating ever-so-slightly. So we'll see how it goes...
What do you do when you get yourself worked up about lack of writing? Do you ever get worked up by the little things? What are your fears this month? Thank you for stopping by!
Oh, can I relate to this! I'm pretty much the same way with anxiety, and it keeps me from writing a lot of the time. Hopefully we both get some writing done soon!
ReplyDeleteI know how anxiety can be a menace. I experience it from time to time and see others dealing with it daily. It's not fun or easy. Whenever I'm stressed, anxious, angry, or sick I can't write either. I hope you can get back into writing again soon!
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IWSG co-host Write with Fey
I know how anxiety can be a menace. I experience it from time to time and see others dealing with it daily. It's not fun or easy. Whenever I'm stressed, anxious, angry, or sick I can't write either. I hope you can get back into writing again soon!
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IWSG co-host Write with Fey
Baking calms me down too, and it's my go to activity (besides blogging) when I'm trying to avoid something!
ReplyDeleteI stopped writing for a few weeks this summer too - and after I'd been trumpeting on my blog about how I was definitely going to finish my WIP before Aug! The stress of the deadline, writing fast, and writing badly took its toll, and I got depressed and gave up. I think a lot of people do this with vacations. We make a big list and think we'll get so much accomplished. But it tuns out to be harder than we thought and depression (or anxiety) sets in. I just tried to accept that I'm not a fast writer and the WIP will get done when it gets done, and I stopped beating myself up about it. So relax and enjoy yourself. You deserve some down time. The writing will still be there when you get back, and you'll write better when you're rested and not stressed. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteRachel, I think all writer's can relate to your post. I almost dislike writing in the summer because in Buffalo, summers too short and I like to be outdoors. I also suffer from anxiety which keeps me up half the night. I wish I had an easy fix for you. I haven't done it lately, but long walks in the woods behind my house with my dogs helps me to relax...
ReplyDeleteI worry about a lot of things all the time. I think you should just enjoy your holiday. Maybe the time off is exactly what your mind needs. Don't feel guilty about not writing. When you're rested and calm, the writing will come. Your assignment is to have fun! Enjoy the baking and seriously . . . don't feel bad. It's okay to take a break from writing. I go on several holidays a year just to de-stress.
ReplyDeleteI've never suffered from anxiety, but I know it can be serious stuff. I used to write for a therapist and she had me do some articles on anxiety. So sorry you have to deal with that.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Murees in that maybe you should allow yourself permission to do other things apart from writing. It's hard to do when you're in that state. My summer has been a bust for writing too, but it's actually only just over a week til the kids go back to school, so I've got a plan in place to get some stuff done then! We are away next week, so that's out too. It'll come when you feel balanced - routines help and I find those go out of the window on holidays...
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