Yup, tomorrow I'm moving back home to Cumbria. Do I have a job yet? Nope (more on that next week). But I'm feeling very optimistic - a huge change from a few days ago.
I didn't think I'd feel so sad today - when I left my last 'proper' job, I couldn't wait to get out of there and shut the door behind me forever. But even though this job has been stressful, reduced me to tears and had me internally screaming most days...there was still a part of me that didn't want to leave. To be honest, most days I loved my job - and I especially loved the people I worked with. Even though I'm socially awkward and I don't make friends easily, for the most part, I rubbed along well enough with everyone. In fact, it was reading through all their goodbye messages in my card that made me well up more than anything.
In fact, in the car on the way home, I started wondering if I'd made a huge mistake by asking my fiance to move back to Cumbria with me. Should we have stayed in Norfolk? Should I have kept my job for a few more years? Have I made a colossal mistake and I'll live to regret it to the day I die?
But then I remembered something - I handed my notice in for a reason. Just like there's always a reason that your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is an ex and not your current boyfriend/girlfriend.
And that reason is the same reason that many couples end up breaking up - I simply didn't see a future there anymore.
I don't want to be a teacher - having seen first-hand all the effort, blood, sweat and tears that teachers go through every day, I know it's not the career for me - I'm just simply not passionate enough about education to justify spending thousands of pounds and getting further into debt to gain my PGCE and then quit after my first year. And even though I will be forever indebted to my school and it's team for giving me back all the confidence I lost after leaving my last job, and giving me so many opportunities and just simply for believing in me; I can't justify staying there if it's a) not the career I want and b) if I don't get paid enough for what my job title demands I do (note: that's not the school's fault; I know all school budgets are tight and I fully believe that TA's everywhere are seriously underpaid).
I don't want to take my next job just for the money though - I want it to be in something that I'm interested and passionate in (or at least, interested enough to put food on the table while I write at nights) - what's the point in life if you simply mindlessly work your way through your days with no interest in what you're doing?
So even though I don't have a job to go to yet, I'm not giving up. I firmly believe that everything happens for reason, and it happens in it's own time. So for now, I'm going to enjoy my time at home, get cracking on my job search, and wait and see what happens. Is that scary? Yes, it's bloody terrifying! But, to be honest, I won't have it any other way. I'm moving back home to be with my friends and my family, who live in a beautiful part of the world, and who I know will always have my back, no matter what.
Enjoy the sunny weather this weekend, folks! Here's to the future :)
My last day of school treat! Getting to ride my
headteacher's tractor round the playground :D!
Have you ever regretted leaving a job? Or do you believe that everything falls into place for a reason? What are your plans for the weekend?