I'm such a ditz. I've been lying on my bed since 6pm this evening, bored out of my mind - five minutes ago I just happened to be scrolling through Twitter on my phone when I saw someone's link to their IWSG post for this month. I can't believe that I forgot about it AGAIN - not only that, but I could've been crafting an amazing post all night (yeah, right), but instead, you're going to have to make do with this thrown together one. Sorry folks.
I'm actually glad that today is an IWSG post day, as the next blog post I was planning to write about was all to do with insecurity/fear - not to do with my writing, but in other areas of my life. I won't go into detail here, as I'm well aware the last IWSG post I did veered away from writing too, and I don't want to deviate from the the rules again. But at least today's post has got me up from out of bed and actually sitting down at the computer and writing - something I've been sorely lacking lately.
My insecurity this month does indeed stem from my lack of writing. I can't decide if I'm procrastinating in every way possible, or if it's just apathy. I'm kinda hoping it's the former. If I'm completely honest with myself, I've had such a long break from doing any serious writing, I can't justify it to myself anymore. I need to get back into the swing of it. But every time I think to myself that I'll sit down and write, it feels like I'm wading through treacle (both physically and mentally).
Here in England, we've just had a three day weekend to celebrate May Day. Oh, the luxury of having an entire extra day off work! When I woke up on Saturday morning, the weekend seemed to stretch out endlessly, full of exciting possibilities. And for the first time in months, I actually felt like writing. I even had an idea for the sequel to Synthetica, something which has been a long time coming.
But did I do it? No. Of course I didn't - because I managed to convince myself that other things were more important (actually, in all fairness, I do need a new job ASAP as I finish work for good on Friday, but apart from that, everything else could probably have waited). Housework, eating, playing the sims, more eating...all so much more important than writing - something I'm desperate to make a career out of.
I need to get out of this mindset. Like I said, there's no logical reason for me to put it off for so long. Yes, I am moving house and have a wedding to plan for July, but even so, if I really wanted to, I could write at least 100 words a night. But instead, I've spent the past two weeks watching Netflix and looking up funny cat videos on my phone (I wish I was joking, but I'm really not). And now, because my life just isn't complete without bouts of crippling anxiety and self-doubt, there's a part of my brain that feels like it's somehow too late to start blogging/writing again now - which is utterly ridiculous.
I'll admit it - I need your help, guys. I need someone to tell me to get my shit together and stop whinging and just do it. After all, the only thing that's holding me back is myself. Please send help...and cake if you have any ;)
How do you get back into writing after taking a long break? What are your insecurities this month?