Facing the future...

Today has felt like the first day of summer; it's Friday, the sun's shining, the birds are singing...and it was my last day as a teaching assistant.

Yup, tomorrow I'm moving back home to Cumbria. Do I have a job yet? Nope (more on that next week). But I'm feeling very optimistic - a huge change from a few days ago.

I didn't think I'd feel so sad today - when I left my last 'proper' job, I couldn't wait to get out of there and shut the door behind me forever. But even though this job has been stressful, reduced me to tears and had me internally screaming most days...there was still a part of me that didn't want to leave. To be honest, most days I loved my job - and I especially loved the people I worked with. Even though I'm socially awkward and I don't make friends easily, for the most part, I rubbed along well enough with everyone. In fact, it was reading through all their goodbye messages in my card that made me well up more than anything.

In fact, in the car on the way home, I started wondering if I'd made a huge mistake by asking my fiance to move back to Cumbria with me. Should we have stayed in Norfolk? Should I have kept my job for a few more years? Have I made a colossal mistake and I'll live to regret it to the day I die?

But then I remembered something - I handed my notice in for a reason. Just like there's always a reason that your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is an ex and not your current boyfriend/girlfriend.

And that reason is the same reason that many couples end up breaking up - I simply didn't see a future there anymore.

I don't want to be a teacher - having seen first-hand all the effort, blood, sweat and tears that teachers go through every day, I know it's not the career for me - I'm just simply not passionate enough about education to justify spending thousands of pounds and getting further into debt to gain my PGCE and then quit after my first year. And even though I will be forever indebted to my school and it's team for giving me back all the confidence I lost after leaving my last job, and giving me so many opportunities and just simply for believing in me; I can't justify staying there if it's a) not the career I want and b) if I don't get paid enough for what my job title demands I do (note: that's not the school's fault; I know all school budgets are tight and I fully believe that TA's everywhere are seriously underpaid).

I don't want to take my next job just for the money though - I want it to be in something that I'm interested and passionate in (or at least, interested enough to put food on the table while I write at nights) - what's the point in life if you simply mindlessly work your way through your days with no interest in what you're doing?

So even though I don't have a job to go to yet, I'm not giving up. I firmly believe that everything happens for reason, and it happens in it's own time. So for now, I'm going to enjoy my time at home, get cracking on my job search, and wait and see what happens. Is that scary? Yes, it's bloody terrifying! But, to be honest, I won't have it any other way. I'm moving back home to be with my friends and my family, who live in a beautiful part of the world, and who I know will always have my back, no matter what.

Enjoy the sunny weather this weekend, folks! Here's to the future :)

My last day of school treat! Getting to ride my 

headteacher's tractor round the playground :D!

Have you ever regretted leaving a job? Or do you believe that everything falls into place for a reason? What are your plans for the weekend?

Sunny Fridays and a general update...

It's Friday, the sun is shining and there's a general feeling of Spring/Summer in the air (I'm assuming - I haven't actually set foot outside today...)

I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and support over my last post. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I do agree that I think it was for the best. And next year, I can relax and complete the A to Z Challenge without feeling like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.

I've been in Cumbria for the past week, and it was lovely to catch up with friends and family again. It still doesn't feel like I'm moving back - I've spent so long dreaming about it, it still doesn't seem real! But the Engineer will start his new job up there on the 18th April, so I guess there's no going back now.

The journey back to Norfolk seemed a lot easier this time around - I have to confess, the last few times I've done the journey, I've felt like crying (and I actually have cried on a couple of occasions), simply because I hated leaving Cumbria so much. So the fact that the next time I make that long, long, long drive, means that I'll be moving up there for good, makes me feel almost dizzy with happiness.

Do I have a job yet? Nope. Do we have anywhere to live? Nope. But you know what? I'm just so happy to be going home, that right now, I'm not stressing out. Give me a few days, and I'm sure it'll be a different story, but for now, I'm just going to enjoy the fact that in a month, I'll be home.

Anyway, despite the gorgeous weather, today I shall be inside, applying for jobs, tidying up and doing general life admin. The joys of being an adult...

Hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Have you ever made the decision to move back 'home'? Did you find it easy or hard to go back? Do you think it was the right choice?

Getting that Friday Feeling

It's finally the end of the week! Time to party:

Or if you're like me, time to get in your PJs, drink tea and eat pizza while watching films.

I feel like this week has simultaneously gone at a snail's pace, and yet, passed in the blink of an eye...maybe it's because I've been working at my day job and then coming home and putting in several hours every night at my second job that I do for love, not money (or, as you all know it, writing).

Honestly, it's been exhausting coming home, having a quick cup of tea and then jumping on the computer for a good few hours before I have to go and make supper/reassure my fiancé that I'm still alive. But I have really enjoyed it. I love the sense that my writing is in my control - I can either sit and complain about my day job driving me crazy, while grumbling that I'm not getting any writing done and oh yeah, did I mention the house is still an absolute tip from when the builders came in? - or I can do something about it.

I want to make writing my full time career. I want to be able to work for myself, not someone else. I want to do a job that I love every day. So I'm damn well going to make it happen.

Is it exhausting? Yes. Do I wish I could sit down the moment I come home from work and just chill all night? Yes. But hey, there's nothing in the rulebook that says I can't have a night off now and then, right?

This weekend, I was torn between sitting down and getting some writing done, or focussing on the house and finally getting some of the decorating out of the way. The Engineer has a uni friend coming to stay with us this weekend, so they can go and work on his car together - which means I've got an unexpected extended period of time in which to do as I please (normally at the weekends, I'm the one that gets dragged into helping him hoist out the engine or changing the brake pads). Do I get cracking on the decorating, as the house is driving me mad in the state it's in? Or do I get some serious writing done?

I think I've managed to convince myself over the right choice, just by writing this blog post. Although I've started to develop a serious eye twitch every time I look at the state of our ceilings, the fact is, writing is more important to me right now. I want to make a career out of it - and I can't do that if I don't actually do any writing.

So this weekend I'm planning on waking up early, psyching myself up, and then writing until my heart's content. As a treat, I may even stock up on cake beforehand, as a motivation to keep going. Whatever keeps me at the computer...

Have a great weekend!

Do you juggle writing with a full time job? How do you make the time to write? What are your writing plans this weekend?

Happy Fridays and Synthetica Book Blitz announced!

Morning everyone! It's Friday, the sun is shining and it's the last day of school before the two week Easter break! Hooray!

Another thing to celebrate is that the Synthetica book blitz is now open for sign-ups!! The blitz will run from 1st - 8th April and you can sign up here at the YA Bound website if you'd like to take part :) (don't you just love that banner?? I know I do!). Huge thanks to Nereyda over at YA Books for organising the whole thing!!

So that's all my Friday news! I'm considering wearing my new bright yellow coat today, just to keep me in a happy mood ;).

Happy Friday, everyone! Have a great weekend!