Friday, 10 June 2016

Switching off the negative light...

Guys, I just wanted to share a little bit of Friday love with you all today.

I've had a couple of comments saying that I sound happier in my recent blog posts, and the fact is, I feel happier in myself. I feel more at peace with myself than I have for years, and even though I hadn't picked up on it, that's coming out in my writing.

Of course, as you all know by now (I swear I'll stop going on about it soon), the main reason why I feel so much better in myself is because I've moved back up to Cumbria. Although I never would've admitted it in my younger, more rebellious, days, Cumbria is where my home is. Although I still want to travel and see the world, it no longer seems quite like the urgent mission it once was. Don't get me wrong, I still want to travel and explore and do new things...but I know now that Cumbria is the place I will always come back to in the end.

And it's amazing how much being at peace and happy with yourself changes your perception on life. I had an inkling when I lived in Norfolk that I was seeing the world in a negative light, but I never realised until I moved exactly how unhappy I was and how much it affected my day to day life. At times, I felt so isolated and lonely, even though I'm so happy with The Engineer and I enjoyed my day job. But I felt as though I couldn't make proper friends at my job no matter how hard I tried; and if I saw on social media that the group of people from work that I hung out with had met up without asking me, I would cry for days simply because I felt so isolated from everyone. Looking back, it's easy for me to admit that I wasn't in the best place.

Now though, I feel like I'm slowly re-gaining some of my self-confidence. I want to stop and talk to people in the village (on Monday night I spent and unexpected hour at a neighbour's house, just having a chat - this is why I love Cumbria), I've starting to look people in the eye more, and - most importantly - I feel like I can handle situations better. Before if I had a problem, I felt like it was the end of the world. Now if something goes wrong, I may feel a bit anxious, but then I think, 'okay, this is the problem, so let's find a solution'. At the time of writing this blog post, I hadn't heard back from my interview on Tuesday, but even hearing the outcome of that doesn't scare me as much as I thought it would - what will be will be, and I'll just have to face whatever happens when it happens.

And because I feel like I'm in a better place mentally, physically I feel like I'm holding myself better too. I'm standing up taller, I'm smiling more and I'm not ashamed of who I am. Last Saturday, I attended a friend's wedding - the sun was shining, I was in good company, and for the first time in a long long time, I felt good about myself (despite mother bear's insistence that my lipstick was far too red). And there's nothing wrong with that - people should embrace who they are, and celebrate themselves as much as possible. So that's why I've included some photos of the wedding below - because I'm proud of myself to be standing in the sun with my best friend and my family, smiling at the world.

Let's hope that that negative light stays switched off for good.

Have great weekend, folks!

The Engineer, Me and The Sister's Boyfriend

 Ditto :)

Me and The Engineer 

Me and The Sister

Me and The Engineer :)

Have you ever realised that your perception of life has changed because of a certain situation? How did you handle it? What are you up to this weekend?


  1. What a lovely post! You put a smile on my face just thinking about you and how happy you are. I think all of us have dreams and ambitions when we're young that may be realized, yet not lead to the happiness we expect. The nice thing is that "life" often knows where we need to end up even if we don't. Life obviously knew you needed to be in Cumbria!

    1. Thank you very much, Lexa :)! I quite like the fact that life never quite ends up like you expected - but it's the journey that counts :).

  2. Aww, love the pictures! We just moved back to my hometown and it does feel like this is the place I need to be. There's nothing like the feeling of "home."

    1. Thank you, Stephanie! I completely agree with you :)

  3. You look gorgeous in the pictures! You should absolutely feel confident and good about yourself. You are wonderful. Keep up the good vibes. Cumbria definitely agrees with you.

    1. Thank you so much, Murees :)! I will certain try to keep the good vibes going!

  4. How lovely that you've gone home and found your happiness. Many of my friends moved away from my area, and a lot are coming back. I've never moved away - I know I'd be unhappy elsewhere.

    Not quite the same, but many years ago I was writing a depressing novel and I had a CD that I listened to constantly. I found the CD recently and assumed it was a depressing album but it wasn't - it was actually very upbeat, but the situation at the time made me hear it in a skewed way.

    1. Thank you, Annalisa :)! I thought I'd be happy away from home, but I really wasn't. It makes me wonder what life would've been like if I'd never left, but I don't regret it for a second - I\m just glad to be back :).

      That's interesting! How strange that that situation made you listen to it in a different way! I love discovering things like that :).


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