Switching off the negative light...

Guys, I just wanted to share a little bit of Friday love with you all today.

I've had a couple of comments saying that I sound happier in my recent blog posts, and the fact is, I feel happier in myself. I feel more at peace with myself than I have for years, and even though I hadn't picked up on it, that's coming out in my writing.

Of course, as you all know by now (I swear I'll stop going on about it soon), the main reason why I feel so much better in myself is because I've moved back up to Cumbria. Although I never would've admitted it in my younger, more rebellious, days, Cumbria is where my home is. Although I still want to travel and see the world, it no longer seems quite like the urgent mission it once was. Don't get me wrong, I still want to travel and explore and do new things...but I know now that Cumbria is the place I will always come back to in the end.

And it's amazing how much being at peace and happy with yourself changes your perception on life. I had an inkling when I lived in Norfolk that I was seeing the world in a negative light, but I never realised until I moved exactly how unhappy I was and how much it affected my day to day life. At times, I felt so isolated and lonely, even though I'm so happy with The Engineer and I enjoyed my day job. But I felt as though I couldn't make proper friends at my job no matter how hard I tried; and if I saw on social media that the group of people from work that I hung out with had met up without asking me, I would cry for days simply because I felt so isolated from everyone. Looking back, it's easy for me to admit that I wasn't in the best place.

Now though, I feel like I'm slowly re-gaining some of my self-confidence. I want to stop and talk to people in the village (on Monday night I spent and unexpected hour at a neighbour's house, just having a chat - this is why I love Cumbria), I've starting to look people in the eye more, and - most importantly - I feel like I can handle situations better. Before if I had a problem, I felt like it was the end of the world. Now if something goes wrong, I may feel a bit anxious, but then I think, 'okay, this is the problem, so let's find a solution'. At the time of writing this blog post, I hadn't heard back from my interview on Tuesday, but even hearing the outcome of that doesn't scare me as much as I thought it would - what will be will be, and I'll just have to face whatever happens when it happens.

And because I feel like I'm in a better place mentally, physically I feel like I'm holding myself better too. I'm standing up taller, I'm smiling more and I'm not ashamed of who I am. Last Saturday, I attended a friend's wedding - the sun was shining, I was in good company, and for the first time in a long long time, I felt good about myself (despite mother bear's insistence that my lipstick was far too red). And there's nothing wrong with that - people should embrace who they are, and celebrate themselves as much as possible. So that's why I've included some photos of the wedding below - because I'm proud of myself to be standing in the sun with my best friend and my family, smiling at the world.

Let's hope that that negative light stays switched off for good.

Have great weekend, folks!

The Engineer, Me and The Sister's Boyfriend

 Ditto :)

Me and The Engineer 

Me and The Sister

Me and The Engineer :)

Have you ever realised that your perception of life has changed because of a certain situation? How did you handle it? What are you up to this weekend?

Sunny Cumbria and Feelin' Happy...

Happy Friday, everyone!

It's hard to believe that this time last week it was my last day at work. This week has absolutely flown by, but I've loved every minute of it. Last Saturday, I drove back home to Cumbria with a car full of clothes and I officially moved back in with my parents. All this week I've been helping dad on the farm (there's not much to do now that we only have five cows to milk and we let all the stirks – teenage calves – out in the fields on Wednesday, so there's only seven calves to feed now too), writing out and sending my wedding invitations, applying for jobs and generally helping out my parents. It's been bliss.

I don't know if it's the fact that I'm finally home after eight years away, or the unseasonably good weather, or the beauty of the Lakes or the fact that I'm back with my family, but I just feel so...happy.

Who wouldn't feel happy waking up to this every day?

It's like a balm has been applied to my soul – I can feel something deep inside me healing, something that I didn't know needed to be healed until now. I feel like, for once, I'm exactly where I should be at this moment in time.

Bringing in our small herd for milking

Every time I wake up in the morning, I'm filled with a sense of wonder and excitement and gratitude (the gratitude is for my parents for letting me and the Engineer stay with them for a while until we find our feet – thank you mother bear and father bear!). Every time I go for the cows, or check the stock, or walk the dog, I look around in amazement – I found myself simply staring at the fells this morning when I went to check on the cows – it's almost as if I'm trying to drink in as much as possible, like I'm afraid one day I'll wake up the fells and lakes won't be there anymore (which is understandable, seeing as how I've lived away from home for the past eight years).

The stirks we let out in the fields this week

Like I said, this week I've managed to send out all my wedding invitations, which feels like a good job done, and I've managed to pick up a couple of shifts in the local cafe, which means I don't have to worry quite so much about money. I may not have found a full time job yet – but far from the crippling anxiety and fear I was feeling in Norfolk over this prospect, now I feel much calmer – what will be, will be, and I know something will come along eventually. In fact, I was just reflecting on this as I walked Bess around the village this morning; when I came back I got the post from the post box, and there was a letter inviting me for an interview for a job I applied for last week. So you see, the power of positive thinking :).

Also spending my time looking after this little menace!

The parents are away this weekend in London, so it's up to me to look after the farm while they're gone. Hopefully the good weather will last, so me and The Engineer can do some exploring when we're not milking!

Have a great weekend, folks!

Have you ever felt like things are gradually falling into place, or that you're exactly where you should be in life? Have you ever been to the Lakes? How's the weather with you?