Sunday Night Blues...

You know, sometimes I just can't believe how fast the weekend goes - one minute it's Friday night and I'm chilling on the sofa with a good book (with the exception of this Friday when i actually ventured outside the house for once), the next, it's Sunday and I have to start planning my outfit for work the next day. Time really does fly by in an alarming way.

Take NaNoWriMo for example. I told myself that this would be the year when I participated - I may not hit the 50,000 word mark, but I was going to give it my best shot.

NaNoWriMo ends on Friday and my word count currently stands at 1,279. It's pitiful.

I actually feel like I've let myself down a bit. I was so looking forward to seeing my story take shape, and see what happens  with my characters and how the story would change over time, but instead, I've barely started the first chapter.

It's just disappointing because I know I do this a lot. I told myself I'd finish a novel by the time I was 18 and I never did. I told myself I would finish my novel by the time I graduated and I never did. I told myself I'd finish a novel by the time I was 21 and guess what? That doesn't look likely either, as my 22nd birthday looms ever closer.

It's just frustrating because I know that I want to be an author more than anything in the world. I adore writing. I love making up stories in my head as I sit on the bus and watch the world go by. But when it actually comes down to it - I always bail in some way. I don't know if this is because of some inherent fear I have that my stories and my writing will never be good enough for people to read, or if it's because I'm afraid of failing, or if I'm simply just too lazy to begin writing seriously. I did make some headway this summer while I was applying for jobs (managed to write around 40,000 words on one story), but now, I always seem to have some excuse not to write - whether because I'm too busy, or because I'm too tired at night when I come home from work.

I always make promises to myself that I'll try harder and this resolve lasts for a little while, until I run out of steam and the whole cycle starts again. And it's just starting to get me down a little bit, especially as NaNoWriMo has been such a disaster.
I'm considering maybe joining a writing group to help me on my way - perhaps if I make my writing less private, I might pluck up the courage to actually finish a story for once and see where I can go with it - but again, this may just be an idea that I think of, but never get round to, or I'll go along for a little while then stop. But we'll see!

I do apologise for the depressing post - I hate read posts like this myself, so next time, I promise I'll be more cheerful ;), and here's something that never fails to make me smile:

It's not particularly high-brow is it!

Have a great week folks!

X

Break time's over...for now...

It's been quite a while since I last wrote (I don't even want to check the date on my last post to see when it was!), but after taking a rather unscheduled break, I think I'm finally ready to get back into writing.

I'm not going to bore you with the details of the last few apathetic weeks I've had - quite simply, I'd had enough. I'd had enough of feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere with my novel, of getting rejection after rejection for every job I applied for (or, most of the time, not hearing back at all), of, well, just everything. I know, I know, it sounds so melodramatic but hey, I'm a writer - that's my job :p.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've turned a bit of a corner (although I was knocked back a bit yesterday by getting rejected after another interview - guess what the reason was? Apparently I'm 'too nice'. Great.) - although I'm tired of getting rejected for jobs and for feeling like my writing isn't good enough, I'm also tired of being tired. I'm twenty one for God's sake - I need to realise that not getting a certain job isn't the end of the world. And that writing a novel takes time - if I want to do a good job, I can't write the whole thing in a day.

Essentially, I just needed a bit of breathing space to realise that I haven't failed in life just yet - I have all the time in the world ahead of me to accomplish my dreams. Just because it's not happening for me right now, doesn't mean that it never will.

And so, I'm starting to write my WIP again. Don't get me wrong - over the stress and tantrums and tears of the last few weeks, I've still been writing down certain scene ideas that have come to me, as well as figuring out a whole new marketing plan for the book - if I ever get it finished that is! So that's something positive - at least I still believe in my work and I still believe it has potential. All I need to do now is get down to writing it!

Sorry for the melodramatic post, folks! I promise, I''m going to try and be a bit more positive and grateful for everything I have from now on :).

Hope you all have a good night!

X

And here comes the wall...

Sorry for the long silence guys - had a bad cold last week, followed by a migraine, followed by a stomach bug (which I'm only really getting over today). Yup, it never rains but it pours...

I'm going to warn you now. This is another one of my whining/ranting posts - so feel free not to read on if you don't want to! I promise I do have some interesting posts to write - I just can't seem to find the time/energy to write them right now haha!

Anyway, as I've complained about before, I have my first major deadline looming up next week. My aim was to have the first rough draft of my WIP finished by the 19th June, but I'm going to be honest - I don't know if I'll be able to do it. For a start, I've been pretty ill and that set me back a bit - but I could work around that if my motivation hadn't suddenly deserted me today. All throughout this particular WIP I've been excited about the story and where it's going, and eager to get the words down the page, telling myself that it doesn't matter if I don't like what I've written because I can go back and change it later.

That approach doesn't seem to be working so well today. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I looked at my WIP and although I am still so excited about the story, I just couldn't write anymore. I suspect a large part of this 'hitting the wall' feeling is because I'm currently writing a scene that is, well, a bit boring. I need the scene in the book to explain a few things that are going on (and to introduce the main conflict of the book actually) but I don't think it's in the form that I want it to be in. This shouldn't bother me, but I've actually rewritten this scene before and it's still not right. And now I'm wondering if everything I've written so far is boring, and if any of it even makes sense at all - which is not encouraging! Argh!

Plus, since I've been ill, I can't drink tea. So that's one of my major comforters down the drain!

I guess I'll just have to keep powering through. I know I can change scenes and edit it at a later date, but it is still a bit depressing when I don't get it right first time! Also, because the last few days haven't been as productive as I would have liked, I think I'm starting to assume that I won't be bale to finish at all....talk about being a pessimist!! I promise I'll try and cheer up by the time I write my next post ;)!

How do you cope with 'hitting the wall'? Do you keep on writing? Or do you step back and take a moment to think about your work before carrying on?

Hope you're all having a great day!

xx

IWSG #3!

Good grief, is it really that time of the month again?! Scary how much time flies...

Well, I'll keep this short and sweet - I was going to use this post as an opportunity to have a huge rant/grumble/complain (no change there then), but then I thought that I'll keep this post specific to the wonderful IWSG and write another post later :).

So, as you might be aware, I'm aiming on having a first draft of my manuscript completed by the 19th June. And I really did not think about how close that date actually is!! The main thing that I'm worried about at the moment is not finishing it, or losing my enthusiasm for the whole project, which I really don't want to do - I really want to finish this novel and see where I can go from there! I haven't been able to work on it as much as I would have liked too lately, as I've been in Norfolk - I'm back in Oxford now, but this is just a flying visit before we set off up to the great wide yonder that is Cumbria for the rest of the week....which leaves me a week and a half to write about 100,000 words...hmm...

So my plan is this - to keep writing down notes and ideas whenever I can, and when I get back from Cumbria (or maybe today actually, don't think we have any plans this afternoon) I'm going to stick on The Dark Knight in the background for inspiration while I feverishly write. Hopefully everything will go okay!

Can't wait to go and read the rest of the IWSG posts! The Insecure Wruter's Support Group was set up by the wonderful Alex. J. Cavanaugh - you can find the link to the whole group and an explanation of the rules below:

http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.co.uk/p/insecure-writers-support-group.html

Have a great day, everyone!

xx

Just a few updates...

So sorry I've abandoned the blog-o-sphere over the past few days - I'm currently in Norfolk visiting the Other Half's family and celebrating the Jubliee! (It's times like this I don't mind being British...)

Anyway, just a quick update on my progress....

June 19th is approaching rather faster than I thought it would to be honest! Still, I am not going to let this deter me. I said that was my deadline for a rough first, complete draft and that is still my aim. I haven't been able to get much done over the past few days due to the aforementioned Norfolk trip, and towards the end of this week I may be heading up to Cumbria, which means I won't actually be able to write again til next week!! However, in order to help the writing process along, I'm still scribbling down notes whenever I have a moment (when I'm not being distracted by the new Kindle app on my phone that is!), so I should be okay when I finally crack on with it....hopefully...

Anyway, I was hoping you guys could also give me some advice. Before I made up my mind about the whole novel-writing-in-25-days thing, I did apply for a couple more full time jobs, and I've received the offer of an interview on Thursday - hooray!
However, I've got to be honest....I really don't want to go. I mean, I really don't want to go. I would LOVE to work in publishing, but at the moment, I really want my writing to take priority. I'm not in any position financially to be that choosy tbh, and the job market is appalling at the moment, but I guess I just feel like I've been waiting to become a writer for so long that that's all I want to do now. I really really don't want to go to the interview  - I mean, there's no guarantee I'd even get the job, so I know I COULD just go and see what happens (at the very least, it'll be a good experience)....it just that I really don't want to. I want my writing to be the focus right now. And I know, even if I do finish my novel by the deadline and polish it and edit it within the next month or two that there's no guarantee it would get published - I'm well aware of all the pitfalls and rejections writers have to face, but still, it doesn't stop me hoping that one day, it'll happen.

Oh, and the Other Half said it was completely up to me. He told me to do whatever I want to do, which is a really sweet thing for him to say, but I'm still no closer to a decision! I know it probably seems like such a small thing to get worked up over, but I've never rejected an interview before and I'm just not sure what to do now lol.

I don't know. Am I being too romantic and stupid? Should I just go to the interview anyway and see what happens? Or should I follow my heart and just spend the summer writing lol?

Have a great nights, folks!

xx

Why I don't like afternoons...

Afternoons are a funny thing. You wake up in the morning being (hopefully) bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, raring to go and ready for anything. In the evening, you're either settling down to watch TV or a lovable family film, before snuggling down into your nice, warm bed to drift off to the land of nod - or, you're getting excited about painting the town red and seeing your best girl (or guy) friends, before stumbling in at 3am and collapsing onto aforementioned warm bed....

Which leaves the afternoons. Afternoons are weird. They seem like they last forever, yet, it's only a few hours long. Maybe it's just because I don't have any more coursework to complete and I don't yet have a full-time job, but I always get into a lethargic state in the afternoons. It's that period of the day which SHOULD be the most productive....these four or five hours where it's just me and my imagination, and I should be cracking on with writing my first-ever literary bestseller....

Instead, I'm sitting here forcing myself to keep tapping at the keyboard, whilst constantly checking the clock and wondering whether it's acceptable to go for an afternoon nap. I'm twenty-one. I should not think that afternoon naps are acceptable. And yet, I find myself going for one more and more. Why? Because, honestly, it gives me something to do that isn't work or housework. Sad, isn't it?

I know, I know, I should be sitting here feverishly writing page after page after page....but all I want to do is sit and stare into space, until that magic hour of 4pm, when I'll jump up, make a cup of tea and have that long-waited for chocolate biscuit (or, judging by the state of my cupboards, a chewy/stale Caramel Snack-a-Jack). What is it about the afternoons that makes us so sluggish and, in my case, grumpy? Is it because, now that we've got (most of) the housework out of the way and eaten lunch, we simply want to hibernate until it's time to perk up again to make dinner?

The Duchess of Bedford had the right idea when she thought of Afternoon Tea...however, I'm finding it hard to muster the energy to go and turn the kettle on, let alone bake a Victoria Sandwich cake, a dozen scones and some macaroons thrown in for good measure.

So, how about you? How do you feel about the afternoons? Maybe you love them and, for you dear authors, it's your favourite time to sit down and write. Or maybe you're like me, and you're more of a morning person....or maybe there's just something medical wrong with me, and I better go and get checked out, pip pip.

xx